I cockslap morals
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
