mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This house was built for laser tag.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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