i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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