I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
