I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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