Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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