So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
