Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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