I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
