She announced her abortion via fbk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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