apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
