i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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