Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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