brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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