My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
