My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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