i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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