I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
