i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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