does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
