this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
