please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
