Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
two words: eviction party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
