it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
