I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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