My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't deserve a penis
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
