the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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