at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
