Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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