I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
