mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
