p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
