I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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