i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
