Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
