How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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