That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
