You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
