We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
