someone threw a dead crab at me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
