you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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