drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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