My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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