There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
