kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
