Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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