im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
