remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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