I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm like, not good at living.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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