Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
