reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
