Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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