Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
