It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
