I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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