Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
