I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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