It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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