Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
