2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
