How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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