i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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