Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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