This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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