Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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