Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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