Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
