I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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