just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
