she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
